2011 NFC Preview, or How the West Was Terrible

By Cameron on Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Tweet

It is the dawning of a new season and it’s time to take a stab at how the NFC is going to look this season. In a macro view or last season, the East’s tide seems to have turned, the South had three teams with double digit wins, the North produced the eventual champions and the South, well, you know. The South. Let’s take a look division by division at which teams you should be watching and where you should be watching them.

NFC East –

On the east coast, there was a power shift. Tony Romo didn’t even have a chance to blow it in the playoffs when Michael Boley of the Giants tried to plant him in the turf in hopes of growing an overrated quarterback tree. But he’ll be back next year behind sinewy brainiac Jason Garrett. Fun fact, Garrett’s brothers played in the WLAF. Do you know what the WLAF is? Neither do I. The G-men missed the playoffs at 10-6, but gave up too many loses in tough spots (read: DeSean Jackson) to feel any kind of good about it. The Redskins slumped through another season but plan to begin a strong campaign on the golden arm of…Rex Grossman? Code red, DC. Panic. Also, the Eagles are good again, much to the chagrin of everyone who isn’t from Philadelphia.

MVP – Once Michael Vick breaks his leg in week three, it’ll pay to keep your eyes on Dez Bryant. He has the hands of a Randy Moss with the egomaniacal insanity of a, uh, Randy Moss.

Division Winner – Eagles, by default.

Best Bar of the Division – Wogie’s turns out a solid crowd for every Eagle game; just don’t get within 25 yards of the place if you don’t like hanging out on Broad Street.

NFC West –

It’s a sad state of affairs over in the NFC West. The Seahawks ruined Pete Carroll’s vacation by slinking into the playoffs at 7-9 and then accidental took out the defending champions. Jokes aside, that Marshawn Lynch touchdown run was magical. He made a top NFL defense look like keystone cops. Seriously, the most “proven” quarterback in the west is Alex Smith. That shit is up for grabs.

MVP – Watch out for Sam Bradford. A 76.5 passer rating is nothing to write home about, but the man closes out games (and ladies.)

Division Winner – Rams.

Best Bar of the Division – Finnerty’s gets a great turnout for all things Frisco.

NFC North –

After I emerged from my post-football hibernation, (i.e. cautiously attempting outdoor activities, pretending that baseball is as much fun to watch) I took a gander at last year’s standings and could not recall the Bears being “11-5 good.“ I remembered that Jay Cutler had a boo-boo and left his team in the trembling hands of Todd Collins and eventually, Caleb Hanie. I could not recall them coming in on top of the Packers. To that I say, at least the Vikings aren’t good.

MVP –Caleb Hanie.

Division Winner – Packers

WILDCARD - Bears

Best Bar of the Division – There is no team bar with more fervor and authenticity than Kettle of Fish. Line up early and stay late for the sausage and cheese.

NFC South –

With the exception of the dismal Panthers, every team in the NFC South has a shot at it all. I could talk about the confidence of Matt Ryan, the disgusting consistency of Drew Brees or the excitement of Josh Freeman. However, I would rather talk about the Panther’s net points from last season. -212. Why even continue to play? I would just trot out the Tarheels’ defense and send the whole lot of them to the UFL. Is Cam Newton going to clean up this mess? Of course not. Get comfortable, Carolina, you are about 3 years from relevant.

MVP – Michael Turner. If he stays healthy he is a dangerous little menace.

Division Winner – Falcons.

WILDCARD – Bucs. It’s hard to leave the Saints out, but this is the most up and coming division.

Best Bar of the Division – Bar None gets a raucous Saints crowd, with enough piss and vinegar to match the wonderful dive-iness of the bar.