John Elway, Lou Gehrig and the Best Goodbyes in Sports

By Ted on Wednesday, May 25, 2011
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Before we get started, a couple of housekeeping notes. In the time I've worked on this site, I've (a) gotten a girlfriend and (b) subsequently moved in with said person. This has changed my life, as one might imagine. Two days ago, staring at this new Apple TV we have (nice), I contemplated getting MLB.TV. Three years ago, I would have done this. Three years ago I barely watched baseball in the summer (I like it in April and again in October, which is kinda how I feel about Saturday Night Live too, oddly), and now I barely watch baseball in the summer, but three years ago I would have dropped probably $300 on this package, then watched one Indians-Mariners game drunk and been like, "That was worth it." This time, it didn't feel right. Things change, I guess.

Here's what doesn't: for jumping off points to bar discussions, I'm going to write a feature every Wednesday that jumps off some element of the news. I also intend to do this on Fridays. Here's the belief: don't go out on Wednesdays (that's just f'n gluttonous), but go out on Thursdays and the weekend. On Thursdays, find the Wednesday article and initiate a dialogue with your friends -- or completely random strangers. On the weekend, do the same with the Friday post. (I may write on Mondays, but I mean, I've got this girlfriend and shit, so...)

Here's the first effort in a consistent string: the best sports goodbyes. Why goodbyes? Heard of Oprah? She left the airwaves today -- to be consistently on the airwaves on her own network. Eh, whatever.

I'll nominate five choices. You yell in the comments. If you comment from a bar with drunken mis-spellings ("This gujyh next to meee says your a flajckcing idiot"), bonus points.

Option No. 1: John Elway

If you work in middle management at a plastics company in Iowa, and you tell your co-worker "I want to go out with an Elway," this is what you probably mean: you're going to steal all the assets, shoot down your boss in cold blood, marry his busty blond wife, and set fire to the building while smoking a hookah. That's how cool what Elway did was: he tried forever and ever, then went out and just f'n took it in his final shots at the silver trophy. Excellent departure.

Option No. 2: Lou Gehrig

If for no other reason than this:

Option No. 3: Andre Agassi

Also a pretty ridiculous speech to cap a fairly epic career (didn't think we'd get a tennis player in here, did you?)

Option No. 4: Michael Jordan

Obviously this is a bit controversial -- he didn't really retire after this. This was just his end with the Bulls. But when you really come down to it, what do you remember MJ as? A Bull, a Wizard, or a Bobcat? (We will accept "Tar Heel" or "asshole" here, sure.)

Still, though, absolute dagger of a shot: