The Best Excuses for Getting Out of Work

• By Ramya on Tuesday, May 26, 2009
• Share

We all know that feeling. Sitting at our desk, unable to work, compulsively hitting refresh on the computer to see how our favorite team is doing.

It’s universally true – whether you’re watching your alma mater in the early rounds of the tournament praying you’re not the upset everyone mocks, rooting for your hometown baseball team to pull off the September afternoon win that will clinch their playoff seat or cheering for the football club you love (or hate the least) – there is nothing worse than being stuck at work when you want to be watching the big game.

While some members of the Where We Watch team have newfound cojones given their impending departure from the workforce, for the rest of us, “I’m taking some personal time to go watch a soccer game” may be a career-limiting move. Rest assured. Here are some go-to excuses for a free pass at 2pm tomorrow.

1. Food Poisoning / Diarrhea – Biggest advantage: no one ever, ever wants to discuss this when it’s brought up, so you’ve got an easy out. Biggest disadvantage: if you’re intrigued by one of your office-mates (if you want to “dip your pen in the company ink,” so to speak), well, this will set that quest back. Mad bonus points if you can do it up like this guy:

2. Pink Eye – No pain, no gain here. If you want to get to the bar in time, sometimes drastic measures must be taken. Two easy ways to fake pink eye and make everyone in the office think you’re contagious:   

   • Dab a little shampoo or soap under your eye and rub until it turns pink. Make sure you use unscented shampoo or soap to avoid giving your trick away.
   • Cut a jalapeño pepper and rub some of the juice under your eye. May cause your eye to swell slightly, but will definitely serve its purpose.
3. Client meeting/entertaining – If inflicting physical harm on yourself isn’t your thing, you can opt for the always safe client interaction. Sure, Playwrights is no Nobu, but in this budget-conscious environment as long as you’re schmoozing, your boss will admire your adaptability. 
4. Consoling recently fired roommate/partner – Sad, but true. Most of us know someone in the city who has been laid off in the last year. Helping them cope with this adjustment can be a very convenient excuse to give you a few hours out of the office. Double bonus: whenever you use the word “partner,” it makes people around you uncomfortable.  

5. Emergency of a personal nature – Among the most vague things a person can say, and thus also the most effective. Your boss is likely too uncomfortable to ask for any more detail. Keys to success here are a sudden sense of panic, inability to form completely logical sentences and frequent phone calls of a hushed, slightly unintelligible nature. Double bonus: if gender dynamics are right, add “lady problems” to the rundown. That is always gold for male execs, cops, and husbands. Should be noted, though - it did not work here: 

6. Obscure religious ceremony – While we’re on a roll encouraging you to exploit your gender, the stability of your stomach and your roommate’s employment status, let’s add one more. To the extent the faith of your choosing is unclear to your coworkers, this poses a clear opportunity to excuse yourself on the basis of an important religious observance, like this: 

7. Long, late lunch – For those who feel some ethical dilemma around blatantly lying about their whereabouts tomorrow afternoon, schedule a long lunch later in the day with a former colleague, friend or business associate who may have a similar interest in the game. Use halftime to talk shop and you can return to your desk and honestly attest to your ‘working lunch.’ You gotta eat, right?

There we have it. None of them are particularly revolutionary, but then again, the best ones usually aren’t. Hopefully one comes in handy the next time you find yourself trapped at your desk on game day.  And if all else fails, remember “I’m taking some personal time to go watch a soccer game.” At least its honest.