The Essentials—Weekend of September 5th

• By Ted on Thursday, September 3, 2009
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Essential game to view

Oklahoma State vs. Georgia, 3:30pm, ABC. Reasoning: Okie State either comes out hot fire, giving respectability to the argument of some that they can roll with Texas and Oklahoma, or their defense lets the Dawgs hang about 35. If the former happens, Mark Richt will lose his job this year. If the latter happens, the Big 12 is utterly a two-horse race. When they first show T. Boone Pickens, funniest thing to say is, "I thought the dude with Anna Nicole Smith was dead a while back."

Essential game to avoid

Anything at noon. You can't drink at that level all day.

Essential storyline to not discuss

Tim Tebow likes Jesus.

Essential storyline to discuss

"This could be the year of Colt McCoy."

Essential game people will tell you is going to be good, but will be a fail.

Alabama vs. Virginia Tech. You give Nick Saban six months for anyone, he'll be OK. Hard to say, but true.

Essential game people will tell you is going to be good, but will be a fail (II)

Oklahoma vs. BYU. Words like "scrappy" and "BCS buster" and "Mormon mission" are fun, but when the Oklahoma Sooners get off the bus, the score is already 28-0.

Essential beer for the day

Coors Light. We're not trying to bankrupt you.

Essential douchey thing to say to prove your superior knowledge

"San Jose State does have a few good pro prospects at the corners, you know? It will be interesting to see what they do against USC." (No, it won't. They're going to get rolled.)

Essential thing to complain about

Matt Millen calling college games.

Essential lookahead moment with your new friends at the bar

"Whoa, OSU vs. USC is next weekend? Wanna meet here around 7:30? OK, make it 3pm -- would like to see Michigan vs. ND too."

Essential SmartPhone clip to pull up for your people

Tommie Frazier breaking tackles.

Essential pop culture connection

"In some ways, it seems like this new Mila Kunis movie Extract is the story of Notre Dame football." (It will sound intelligent at beer five, believe us.)

Essential TV line-up at 3:30

Georgia/Okie State center, Notre Dame/Nevada to the side/highlight show to the side of that/Western Michigan vs. Michigan on the outside.

Essential non-football thing to ask at some point

"What do you assume the odds Katy Perry and Kelly Clarkson have made out are?"

You should be set. Questions? Holler at us.