The Five Best Events to Ditch Out of Work For
1. The First Two Days of the NCAA Tournament
It's true -- CBS Sports.Com did some nice work with streaming the entire tournament, and providing you a "boss button." It's cool to pretend you're doing work, but in actuality are wondering where exactly 'Radford' is, and wondering if the name of the school originated with one of Spicoli's catch phrases. Fun. Needs to be said, however: nothing can top bouncing from work at 12:17pm, hitting the bar, and coming back for the 4-7 break stumbling around, telling your boss "Client meeting ran long," which comes out sounding like you just deep throated a bunch of marbles. Best one we've ever heard: few years ago, kid tries to escape work at ESPN (they have all the games playing, so it's somewhat counter-intuitive) but gets flustered when his overbearing boss corners him. Kid stammers, "I've got ... a ... syphillis." No idea where he is now.
2. Champions League Final
You should ditch to watch this for one reason: at some point during the game, when they do a fan cut-away and you see how passionate everyone in Rome is, say out loud at the bar, "God, we are one f*cked up nation, eh? How are we the only place in the world that doesn't 'get' this game?" When people stare at you, awkwardly raise your half-full pint and say, "But how about Obama, eh? To Obama!"
3. Opening Day
Baseball is a little overrated. Love the game, grew up with it, it's essentially the only thing holding most father-son dynamics together. But everyone's putting stuff in their butt ("that's what she said") and really, what does one day mean when they play for seven months? Still, hope is nice. It's a good feeling to have, somewhere above "malaise" but below "horny." Everyone has hope on Opening Day. Also fun: if you follow this list to a tee, the three top events occur within seven weeks of each other. By the time Champions League Final is over, you will be unemployed. Eh, gives you more time to read this site and recommend bars to us.
4. World Cup
This only happens every four years, but there are a good amount of day games -- and games that begin at 4:40am. Drinking at 4:40am, if that's the beginning point, leads to epic fail. However, a Smithwick's or two for a 1pm game in 2010 is nothing to worry about. Soccer is really more associated with drinking than one should be comfortable admitting.
5. Olympics
Again, every four years. NBC is pretty smart, and puts the marketable events on in US prime time. However, sometimes you just wanna see a certain interval of speed skating, and while that or curling don't really scream "run to the bar," that voice in your head isn't getting any quieter, is it? (Why's it speaking Spanish now?) We watched curling while drinking in '06. Couple of notes: attempting to access the Wiki for "curling" while inebriated will lead to a far greater understanding of the racehorse "Curlin" and you may start pushing things around your friend's living room with a broom, ultimately causing small-claims court worthy damage. Good times.
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