The rise of Notre Dame and going gaga for Andrew Luck: 2011 CFB Storylines
Every sports website -- hell, every website -- under the sun does "storyline" articles for college football. "Holy Lord, there's 12 teams in the Pac-10 now!" We wanted to write a storyline article, because it seems like a good and right thing to do (under God, naitch), but we wanted to take a different approach. So here's what we're gonna do: we're gonna present various storylines in the header fields below, and then underneath said header fields, we're going to give you some talking points to introduce these storylines in bar conversation. I mean, it's a website about bars and where to watch games ... so it makes sense, right? Let's dance.
So, Andrew Luck.
Listen, the dude is good. His dad was a super-athlete and is currently destroying West Virginia athletics by forcing native son Bill Stewart -- the man who saved them after Rich Rod -- out in favor of a hot new flavor of the month. We digress. Luck is very, very good and cerebral at football. But don't forget this: 18 months ago or so, there was a dude in the same conference getting a ton of hype. Little guy by the name of Jake Locker. Now, he did end up going No. 8 in the NFL draft, and he will probably start for the Titans someday, but ... his senior year was a fall-off and a fail. And a big part of Luck was Jim Harbaugh, himself a former QB. He's an NFL coach now. So ... Luck's the man, no question, but will he be THE MAN this year? He might -- or he might not. ("That's why they play the games...") Point is: get off the jock for one second while we let the meat of his schedule play out.
So, Notre Dame.
Are they back?!?!? That's going to be a question that resonates, no doubt -- they ended strong last year, Brian Kelly, Michael Floyd, a better defense, etc. Here's their schedule. No real gimmies, but 10 wins is possible. Put it this way: put down the DVD copy of Rudy, OK douche? But ... they started No. 18 in the USA Today poll, and they'll probably climb to No. 6 or No. 7 before ending around No. 10. If they end up going with a young QB, watch out for them in 2012 -- THAT could be the true breakout year.
M GO BLUE!
Michigan has been a friggin' train wreck for several years. They wanted Harbaugh. They wanted Miles. They got Brady Hoke. Not sexy, but he made some smart moves -- Greg Mattison used to run the Ravens defense, and while there isn't a Ray Lewis clone in Ann Arbor, that's a good coaching pickup (I read somewhere, but can't link it because I can't re-locate it, that the Michigan staff has 144 years of coaching experience combined now, which is cool). Problem: Denard doesn't really fit with Hoke's system. Problem: I can't name more than three people on the Wolverines, I don't think. Solution: watch them make an unexpected run, as a combo of the Big Ten being a bit down and passion for the end of Rich Rod. Denard is a freak to watch regardless, and they're always in that 3:30 ABC game, so you'll find a way to see 'em and embrace the maize and blue.
So, Oklahoma
Look, here's the thing: sportswriters need stuff to talk about, ya know? Seasons are long. Every year in early August, this happens: people start complaining that the team ranked No. 1 has an easier path to the title, because they don't have to climb from the back of the pack. People are morons. Auburn was not No. 1 last year. Hell, I don't even think Auburn was top 20 in early August 2010. People lose, and others win. Oklahoma has to go into Tallahassee in the third weekend. Who knows what happens there? Plus, if you've followed the career of Bobby Stoops, he ALWAYS loses a game somewhat early. It'll happen. They don't have a paved path -- they're good, but who knows how good? Landry Jones has NEVER had this kind of pressure on him, and he just lost his coordinator (new coach at Indiana).
Florida!
You know that dude you work with, and he's very good at his job, but then he gets promoted and he's a complete friggin' disaster when he has to manage? Add like 150 pounds to that guy, and it's Charlie Weis. The dude is a genius as a coordinator -- look at what he did last year with Matt Cassel, for one small example -- and was a disaster as a head coach. Now he's back as a coordinator. John Brantley is probably gonna blow up. But then the question lingers -- is Will Muschamp like Charlie Weis? Will he falter when he switches to the CEO role? To quote Rick Pitino: Tim Tebow and Urban Meyer ain't walking through that door, so you gotta take the eggs and make the fritatta. OK, I paraphrased.
Scandals
I don't wanna spend a lot of time on this, but let's be honest: most people likely believe that in five years, Auburn and Cam Newton won't be last year's champs. It just seems like some dirty stuff went down there, no? If other dominoes start falling -- Oregon, etc. -- the black eye on this sport is gonna get bigger and bigger. People will still hit bars and 80,000-seat arenas on Saturday afternoons, but dang, absolute power done corrupts absolutely, no?
Bo Pelini, knocking on the door
Can Nebraska finally win a conference title and get to a BCS game? Probably, especially with Ohio State down big-time and Wisconsin breaking in a new QB. (I like Michigan State a lot, though, although no one else seems to.) Pelini looks like the most socially-awkward man on the face of the planet, and it's only going to be worse if he wins the first-ever Big Ten Championship game, because purists will boo the ever-loving crap out of him. Then he'll probably slap Taylor Martinez in the grill and blame it on him.
Year Of The Skill Positions
Dudes that are gonna go high in the 2012 NFL Draft: Luck, Matt Barkley, Landry Jones, Ryan Broyles, Justin Blackmon, Michael Floyd. There will be some fun, gunslinger-type games all over America (read: the west coast, primarily) this fall.
This year's Auburn
I wanna say this is finally the year that Boise State gets its shot to play for the big brass ring, but I dunno -- I just feel like something (politics, a botched punt, a freak injury) will happen there. I actually kinda like Texas -- there's no way a school like Texas has two bad years in a row, honestly, and the schedule is really pretty easy -- neutral with Oklahoma and at Missouri are the tough ones. If they get their QB situation sorted out -- remember when people said Garrett Gilbert was a young Dan Marino? -- and Malcolm Brown is the truth, this team will get into the top five by late October.
The completely random team you're gonna follow
Look, this isn't any storyline, but it's a necessary dialogue, so bear with me. Everyone knows the teams that get the audio feeds at bars (hell, look around this site): the Michigans, the NDs, the SEC teams, etc. What you need is an utterly random team -- buy their shirt for 15 dollars while you're at it -- to pretend to follow, in an ironic way. Ideal suggestion: University of Wyoming. Google them, learn two things about their QB, and just go to town. It makes any bar conversation more enjoyable. "Yes, I am familiar with Andrew Luck, but in my humble opine, he pales in comparison to ..." (name of some dude whose daddy was a rancher). Also, asking a bartender to turn off Florida-Alabama for a Wyoming-South Dakota game is hysterical, and -- provided they have a sense of humor, which most do -- it will endear you to them.
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